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Life is just shit

Sorry ive not blogged for ages..my lifes been kinda full in a good way...ive spent loads of time with my best friend in real life and to be honest its been great doing that...but I'm guessing from now on I'll be back in the online world again.

Whats happened to me since my last post..i came out to my best friend from Uni days..he took it really well and said it made no difference to him whether i was gay or straight..i was so nervous telling him , but a huge sigh of relief once i had done it....

home life ..meh..i now live with a friend ..me and my wife are pretty clear thats how things are now..we'll just see how it works until i can sort everything properly

My blog was always meant to be an anonymous self contained thing which i could write anything on, however I opened it up to twitter friends which makes talking about things involving people that i know and my twitter followers know, very difficult...and i need to talk about it to someone....

In my whole life (all 40 years of it) there have only been two people who have truly known me...and i think ive messed everything up with one of them....

The one guy is 24, i met online has been a rock to me and i have been one to them, hes my 'brother' my best friend and i love him in the most platonic way possible...apart from when he had no internet in Spain, not a day has gone by in 10 months that we have not said at least hello to each other.

The second guy i only met 4 months ago...and quickly we became good friends..we both said we were best friends...we share alot of the same interests, likes,etc... we both genuinely like each other..however...theres more going on :( you all know who it is and i dont need lecturing about it. .and im gonna lose him as a friend if i dont do something

Why Do I have to be Old?

Just think you all ought to know, it sucks!

Why do I say this?

Well people expect me to look a certain way and act a certain way.

They also think that i am attracted to people who are 'old' like me!

Well, just for the record it doesnt work like that, unfortunately for me.

I have friends of all ages, age doesnt make any difference in that respect...however in terms of attraction, Ive yet to meet someone around my age i am physically attracted to.

I dont know about other people, but when i see someone my age, my first instinct is to grade myself against them...this is particularly fun when you find peers from school and univeristy on facebook..you remember how they once looked

How gay am I?

One of my friends in his blog The Feeling Inside, wrote a post called 'How gay are You?' in which he discussed how gay he actually was in terms of his life, and this got me thinking about myself.

I have gone my entire life without even hearing the merest sniff of a rumour about my sexuality...ok i have been in a heterosexual relationship for a number of those years..but thats alot more years without being in one...also for the last few months i have been wedding ringless and my sexuality has once again been potentially open to question

I have always tended to think that being gay just so happens to mean that i find men sexually attractive ( and as discussed before, always have done since a teen), and doesnt necessarily impact on other parts of my life.

So I've been thinking about my gayness, and in some respects there have always been clues to my sexuality, but then other aspects than go against that..maybe that eclectic mix in my life has meant that gay vs hetero aspects balanced each other out.

I hadnt had any relationship until i was mid 20s which i think is pretty unusual..fortunately i didnt have the family to start asking about girls and such like!!

Ive always been interested in clothes and fashion from a soon as i was getting my own clothes..i remembering turning up at school in flash grey school trousers with turn ups which were very fashionable at the time... As soon as I could afford it I bought GQ magazine and when I was 18, went to a special readers evening at my local posh/upmarket department store where i somehow won a Jasper Conran Jacket (He is a top British Fashion Designer)...it was a smart single breasted jacket in electric blue and had a price tag of £285 which was an incredible amount at the time....i actually think i may still have the jacket somewhere...... In my first week at University I ended up going to a massive fashion show being held on campus and no one made any comments!!

So apart from fashion, ive used 'products' for years..moisturiser, balm, shampoo and conditioner..i guess people just thought i just liked to look after myself. Ive never had any close gay friends...I thought i may have found one when i hired one for a job at my company (he was the best candidate btw!!) ,my gaydar pinged as soon as i saw him and he was a lovely guy..i thought he may be someone to come out to and share my problems...unfortunately it became clear he had issues of his own, and if i had told him then he wasnt the type to keep it to himself!!!

Friends wise, ive always had one or two gay friends in my life from University onwards...at University I had 2 gay friends who were very camp and overtly gay (which scared me),and also a girl who was a mature student who was married with a kid in the first year and came out in that summer and was a lesbian thereon, she was lovely.

After Uni, ive always worked with at least one gay guy, and none of them guessed..even when one found my profile on gaydar (thank heavens for my lack of picture on there), but guess that pesky gold band on my third finger of my left hand acted like a gay cloak of invisibility. Interestingly since the ring came off, ive noticed more guys chatting to me and looks being given to me...it could be coincidence but i like to think not :)

Since i made the decision to tell my wife and live more gayly, im not sure i have actually done anything different...at least when Im on my own. When i have been out with another gay guy, ive found i become more happy and friendly and more ME to be honest. I have to say the gay in me is now probably seeping out, and i think could turn into a flood given time...do i care? not in he slightest..its who i am meant to be

Fanks and Flirting

Just to thank everyone for their support and advice since my last post..i was being serious about the direction to go..call it a crisis of confidence or something else...i dont know..i just dont like hurting other people....

Doing this has reared its head online in the last few days as well where I had a disagreement with a fellow blogger and tweeter after something happened..I am very sorry that it happened, but its possibly meant an interesting, funny and young person may not tweet or blog anymore, which is the real shame for him and those who follow him

Other randomness occured to me this morning...Flirting...so much so, i messaged a fellow blogger about it...does there need to be some form of attraction between guys to flirt with them???..i thought yes, and so did my friend. I only asked because i have been doing alot of flirting online over the past 2/3 weeks on sites online and on my iphone...i get a number of guys saying Hi , and i politely reply..if i think he's attractive, my flirting seems to kick in..dont get me wrong, i like flirting lots..but i have a problem.

I have been flirting with one guy more than any other...we do it publically, privately, by text and on skype as well...and the thing is ..i'm really getting off on it....he is making me so horny , its ridiculous!!! The thing is he is as bad as me...he knows exactly which buttons to press..but it really feels wrong to be feeling like this because he is much younger than me...i enjoy the feeling, but suddenly get a guilt trip about saying some of these things to him

'And finally' ...said in my best Trevor Mcdonald voice, can i just introduce a new blogger to you. He is a lovely guy and i am so loving reading his thoughts...i wont tell you any more, youll have to go and read his blog for yourself!!!
the-feeling-inside

is it time for goodbyes?

Having a bit of an off today today..no-one would be able to tell cos i always am the same on the outside...Even when i hit the depths of depression in mid 2010, nobody knew except me...

Just feeling a bit low..i dont really know why..well i know some reasons as to why I'm feeling this way but they are only minor things really...

i know its shallow but i crave some physical affection..yes sex is part of that, but not all..kissing, touching, hugging...any of those things will do..and ive got none..and it seems i cant get any..even with the powers of online or iphone sex apps...

Online, i dont hide my situation i.e my marital status..someone this morning i was chatting to decided that i was straight and just had a rant against me saying i should just go back to being straight and stop moaning..its stupid but it hurt cos i know I'm gay which brings me onto another criticism i read today..someone said "Also don't like gays that repress themselves to please heteros. Fuck everyone else, live your life to how were born to."..

Theres some other things that have been said that made me question everything as well...

All of this has just made me think, am i doing the right thing??? Would i just be better off forgetting i like guys and just carry on as i used to..including deleting all my online profiles and disappearing...I'm not being funny here either, i'm being serious..part of me wonders if its worth the hassle? perhaps just going back to playing the straight guy is better for everyone concerned

That way no-one else gets hurt anymore, no-one has to listen to me moan. I wont face the disappointment of rejection...

Everyones a winner..and give it a few days..no one will remember who I am either

2010 and 2011

..another year over and a new one just begun!!!

2010 was a bit of a rollercoaster year to say the least with highs and lows!!!!!

More than me knows I'm gay now - Yay!!, but although my wife knows, we still in the same house and its not fun...

2011 will see the end of this charade though..it will be better for both of us that a clean break is made

2010 has seen me make some new friends...some of them are people i just say Hi to online occasionally, some i swap 140 character messages with, some i chat to online, and some are now proper friends. Without them, i couldnt have done it. Lots of you online have had a part to play.

The return of Jessie made me so happy, and seeing how his life is going gives me hope..he doesnt talk much but he was one of the first to accept me onlne. T!..has been lovely, he as provided me with hope, humour and advice since i came across him. I hope to meet him one day, to thank him properly for everything. Mark and Glen were both there on the end of an email for a friendly chat. There have been so many online who i want to thank...Adam, Mark, Nic ;-) ,David x 2, Tim, Elliot, Phil, Adam..theres probably alot more to be honest

2010 has also seen me start and explore my gay sexuality as well..not that im ticking things to do off a checklist, but, well i am sort of...i dont know if i like something until ive tried it ;-)

So what does 2011 have in store..i have some resolutions or objectives:

Firstly, i want to be able to run 5km in under 20 minutes..this is possible if i work hard and eat better. I also want to beat last years half marathon time as well..i think i can do 1 hour 30 mins!! Allied to this is generally doing more exercise...keep the swimming up and cycle more..maybe a triathlon may be on the cards lol!

Secondly, I will be leaving my wife this year..its going to be harder than anything thats happened this year. She is going to be distraught despite me trying to make this whole thing as easy as possible on her...I just want to have closure so we can both start new lives.

Thirdly, sort my business/job/career out...ive been playing at working for too long..i need to get serious and sort it out so i have a better career life balance..if i find a guy i love, he cant be expected to come second to my work

I think thats it for now..i may think of others but if i have achieved those things by the end of 2011 i will be happy

5 on the Fifth December

Here's my contribution for Stephen's 5 of the Fifth this month. Be sure to check out Stephen's blog for links to other 5 on the Fifth participants.

5 of the Fifth

Thre is the awkwardness of getting peoples faces so all pics taken yesterday, but some poetic license used.

The pics are of :

1. Rolo, one of the cats..he mas mastered opening a locked cat flap
2. Ole, another of my cats..hes is virtually human in his affection
3. A friend of mine..he doesnt care what people think about him, he is happy being himself
4. I love watches..I own about 40, and these are all my non digital ones...favourites are the gold one my Great Grandfather owned, and my Mickey Mouse one :-)
5. The clock face is the obvious one..a nice example of and English 19th Carved Wooden clock, but in the small frames are my mother and grandmother..they deserve a mention

Other Bloggers and My Morning

Another random post cos ive got the inclination to blog at the moment...dont knock it though!!.

Am going to mention 3 blogs i take an interest in cos i believe its important to have people out there who you can relate to, or maybe blogs to read who have been through similar situations.

Last night i read, what is possibly the most wonderful blog post in all my time reading blogs.

jessie-constantlyconfused

I've followed this blog from its previous incarnation through to this one. He was one of the first blogs i read, one of the reasons I started blogging myself and one of the reasons i am still blogging and now tweeting today. His post and blog should be used as inspiration for all young gay guys out there struggling with growing up being gay.... and i am so happy that last night went so well... Jessie I am so proud of you.

Another blog i think you should read is.

Torchyboy

As an adult struggling to come to terms with being gay, it was reassuring to find another adult living the gay life, but not being out..i know my situation is totally different to his, but i thoroughly enjoy keeping up with whats going on with him....as well as the fact he is a thoroughly decent and charming guy :)

Most people who read my blog already will follow:

gayandy

but if you dont, then start reading his blog..he is one of the nicest guys you could wish to meet, whose love and understanding for his fellow man is incredible...and he writes excellently

..to those other bloggers i read religiously, i will be doing more updates soon , mentioning other interesting blogs, but dont want to just redo my blog list as a post.

Other news for me today, Um.... i went to a Clinic for the first time this morning and went through all tests for STIs. I cant reiterate enough how important it is to get yourself checked out regularly..not only for yourself, but anyone else you have a sexual relationship with. Its simple and straightforward and not half as embarrassing as you may think..i know I am probably saying things you all already know, but if you havent been to one and think you should start going, just message me and i'll explain what happens so youre prepared...fortunately for me, my best friend told me what to expect beforehand so i wasnt surprised by anything.

Random Bits of stuff

This really is just an anything post..not sure where it will go or not...

Slightly sad this morning that I may have upset someone on twitter... i think someone thought i was taking the mickey out of them and talking badly about them, when i wasnt .... anyone who knows me, knows i dont do that..but online peeps dont really know me. Just i take things personally when i upset people...ive spent my life trying to make other people happy...

Am waiting for a delivery from a department store today..some christmas presents..plus some undies for me (Yay!!) theyve texted me to say the parcel will arrive between 12:03 and 13:03 today...I'm thinking...Wow, thats pretty accurate..we shall see though!!

Anyone in the UK knows the main topic of discussion over the past few days has been the snow (and you thought I was going to say Justin Bieber on XFactor didnt you?? *sighs and shakes head*) Finally i got some snow worthy of discussion..only maybe an inch but its better than nothing i suppose - enough snow to make a snow cat maybe!! Was chatting to a friend about the weather and we both agreed we either like it to be freezing cold or hot (around 30*C) . and could do without most of the temperatures in the middle really....now all i need to do is find a place with those extremes!!

Am supposed to be working, but am pottering around online and thinking of christmas presents to buy for people..I use Christmas as opposed to Xmas, as i have been told off twice this year for shortening the word..and neither are particularly religious people either..maybe i will...but i know it saves characters on texts and twitter ..lol

Anyway, thats my non entity of a blog post for today...just a normal day for me :)

Twitter. MSN, Friends and Family

Eeek , its been a long time again between posts...ive been meaning to sit down and write something, but something else gets in the way...social networking usually!!

I seem to be on twitter rather alot..i only joined twitter originally to chat to a really cute guy i used to see on cam4, but he doesnt use it that much..so ignored twitter until Jessie made a comeback on here..and cos i didnt want to lose contact with him again, started following him on twitter..and it sort of snowballed from there with finding other guys blogs i had been following and totally new friends as well, which has been awesome to be honest.

Apart from twitter, i have been spending lots of time on msn with my best friend Elliot and 'T' (more of 'T' later).

I went down to see Elliot a couple of weeks ago and it was really great seeing him and having a nice day out in London together..we had so much fun and are trying to find the time to meet up again before Christmas. He was exactly how i was expecting..funny, charming and great to be around...incidentally its the first time i've been to London and enjoyed being there!!

As i also mentioned I spend alot of time on msn with 'T', i met him online a couple of months ago, and we started chatting together..i am not going to say much because i dont want to embarrass him cos he reads my blog..but we clicked and found we had so much in common with each other. Talking to him seemed so easy..and i love being with him, even virtually...i dont know where it is going yet, but i am happy :)..Thank you 'T' xxx

The original reason for this post was I thought i may give you a bit of background to me growing up for no other reason that it may interest you. I had thought about it, then I was chatting on twitter to my friend Torchy discussing childhood and growing up and he suggested i maybe tell you all about mine, and also something my friend Nic said on twitter made my decide to do it..he tweeted that a song came on that reminded him of his father...i found this really lovely that he had that emotional connection between his father and that song, and realised i didnt have any connection like that with my family at all.

I'll start by saying i had a good childhood...i got plenty of toys and games etc..i was spoiled rotten some might say, as i was an only child and I didnt suffer abuse at the hands of anyone.

I didnt have a male father figure throughout my childhood, or someone like that who i could look up to..infact the only person who i remember who i thought of in that way was one of my Deputy Headmasters at school who took a special interest in me throughout my school days. (In a good way by the way!!!)

I met alot of male figures through my childhood...my mother , who i didnt live with seemed to have a very wide circle of male friends....., who changed on a near weekly basis..some of the time I was described as her son...other times she let people assume I was her younger brother..dependent on the situation she was in....

as i said, i wasnt brought up by my mother..if she had had her way, i would have been terminated!!!, but she was persuaded not to do it by the lady who brought me up. She was a wonderful human being and was an amazing surrogate parent in my growing up. Looking back i dont think i ever properly formed a parent child bond with her that i should have done....emotionally i am quite stoical...i seem to have much love for people whilst they are there, but once they have gone, that feeling disappears...which saddens me somewhat... To me, the passing of my mother and this other lady are just closed chapters in my life..if i revisit them, its for a reason, and not because i want to go back there...i wish that would change someday.

sorry if this has been a bit of a mish mash of thoughts etc today...my head is a bit all over the place at the moment..it may be i explain my family further, but its a good start i think..i really dont want to confuse you all too soon

I will be posting more stuff soon :) maybe more background stuff and more on bits of my life over the past few months i havent talked about yet

5 on the fifth

After following my friend Torchys blog for ages and seeing him do this every month, i have decided to give it a go, so thanks Torchy




The theme for this month is recycle which really stumped me to be honest apart form the obvious so ive gone with that, let me know what you think if you get a chance, Thanks


It may be recyclable but it was sitting in a bin bag

These are 2 belts I own, the blue one is made from recycled sweet wrappers, and the black and purple one is actually made from a seat belt from a car

The side of my recycling bin at work

I sell books, so this makes sense to me, its a book on Green issues made out of recyling paper

Recycled Products dont need to cost the Earth

Hope you like these :)

50 Things About Me

This was supposed to be a depressing post on how stupid I have been and a fool , but rather than have a rant , i am going to do one of those 50 Things about me so you get to know me better, and , you never know, you may enjoy it..ask me anything about them if you want


1.I am an only child

2.My favourite colour is purple

3.I know 2 people that are born on the same day and month as me

4.I am right handed

5.I bat left handed in cricket

6.I have one tattoo

7.I have had my appendix removed

8.I was going to become a vicar when i was at school

9.My favourite number is 13

10.I own approximately 200 cameras

11.I dont eat Onions

12.Except Spring onions

13.I like cats

14.I have been on Countdown

15.My first job was working in a butchers when i was at school

16.I would describe myself as gay..always have been..yeh i know!!

17.Currently I have 3 cats

18.I have walked the length of Hadrians Wall

19.The most played songs on my ipod are The XX - Crystalised, Green Day - East Jesus Nowhere, Placebo - Nancy Boy,

20.The only bone I have broken is my finger

21.But fractured my wrist 3 times

22.I have cut my own hair for 20 years

23.My left foot is slightly bigger than my right

24.I passed my driving test at the 2nd attempt

25.I have no living relatives

26.I have been knocked down by a car

27.I wear contact lenses

28.I have met my hero

29.I am uncut

30.I dont like my fingers to be sticky

31.The only fruit I have had are apples and bananas

32.I love Disney

33.I have swum with dolphins

34.My temperature in my bedroom as a child once read zero degrees C

35.I use humour in inappropriate situations..alot

36.I was caught smoking when i was 9 years old

37.I still dont know what I want as a career

38.I have turned down 2 career changing jobs because they were based in London

39.I was the youngest person to be interviewed for Mastermind at the time

40.I have never owned a skateboard, and only bought Roller Blades about 5 years ago

41.I am learning to speak Polish

42.I am probably addicted to coffee and chocolate

43.I trim

44.My life changing moment was the first time I kissed a guy

45.I have done all my own cooking since i was 15 years old

46.I have never spent more than 12 hours in a row with my mother

47.I always throw away any chip that has a black or bad bit on

48.I was 'groomed' as a child by a paedophile, but never fell for it

49.I dont hold grudges...life's too short



50.I can see myself settling down and being in a relationship with one guy for the rest of my life

Hope you liked them and found out more about me..i'm happy to expand on any if you want to know more, or if theres any burning questions you want to ask, you can do that!

i told someone

For those who have stuck with me through my ramblings know i am gay and my situation re:marriage, and this actually applies to everyone i meet or chat to online...i make sure any guy who i chat to etc knows very early on what my situation is...its two fold really..firstly i dont want to give anyone false hope as to what may or may not happen with us and secondly i want to be honest with peole i meet online..i have spent so much of my real life lying that i want to make sure i start my new life on the right foot!! Also, some guys just find the whole thing difficult to understand so once i tell them i never hear from them again, which is a shame, so telling guys early means i dont get to form an attachment to them should they decide its just too weird for them.

Anyway, back to the title of this post...I have told someone from my real life that i'm gay! Now before you all start jumping up and down shouting Wahey!! it wasnt as big a step as it sounds..he was a very safe bet indeed. He is someone i went to school with , who now lives in another country, i only chat now with him through facebook, and hes gay...so it made sense to tell him, but it made me happy doing it.

He was surprised but happy about it and we had about a 3 hours chat afterwards about all manner of things regarding me and being gay. I found out so much about him i didnt know..it was strange because our paths criss crossed throughout our whole childhood from about when i was 4 until 16, but we were never good friends..the strange thing was i always felt an affinity towards him but didnt know why...i guess it was embyonic gaydar at work (especially since i had the same feeling towards another guy at school, who my friend told me was gay as well..how did he know this???..well they had 3 flings with each other in their teens ...lol)

At school i actually had a bit of a crush on this friend i told...i thought he was cute..i told him this yesterday and it made him so happy cos he felt he was nothing at school in terms of people liking him that way.

so thats the first friend I've told about me...lets hope the rest are all that positive!!!! we can hope

All quiet on this front

hey guys,

not really much to report to be honest...life is just bobbing along at the moment with no major problems..apart from the problem i am trying to resolve..that really still isnt...still very slowly edging towards freedom...

Through here and other online portals i have made so many wonderful friends so far..i feel really lucky to have found an awesome bunch of individuals...

I'm not going to name names but there have been people who have just let a comment, or sent me a message through to emailing me, through to becoming a proper friend, i just want to thank every one of you :)

Spirit day 20th October 2010

Just a pic of me for todays blog post doing my tiny miniscule bit to raise awareness of the recent suicides that have occured due to homophobic abuse

Goodbye Timothy

http://timmystillwaiting.blogspot.com

After everything he has been through, Timothy has passed away.

I am crying at the moment because of what a special guy he was !!!

My heartfelt condolensces go out to everyone who knew him and were touched by him in their lives

Thats all really

just some random funnies for a change

I LOVE ALL THESE THINGS DISNEY STICKS IN THEIR FILMS


FAKE FACEBOOK FUNNIES




ITS SO TRUE ABOUT THE PRINCESSES

Too busy for life!!

I have now started usting twitter proper;ly and enjoying it..its also good to see name i recognise from the blogging world are on there as well

What with facebook/twitter/blogger/skype etc, its a wonder i have time for the real world...well, i dont much, but online i enjoy far more as i can truly be myself!!

I had some time in the real world last Wednesday...Me and a 'friend' spent the morning in a hotel having some fun...its really weird that i seem to have taken to this in such a matter of fact way..maybe its just i've been preparing myself for it for the last 20 odd years. Spending several hours naked with another guy doing all different types of things was a great experience for me..and one i will be doing again ;) ... well hopefully. We both know its just sex between us..neither of us want anything more than that which suits me fine..i am not able to or ready for that...

When things have been sorted my end...i already have a date planned sort of..lol..its a guy ive got to know over the last couple of months online..i'm not going to tell you much about him, but he cant commit to a relationship either, like me..but we talk about when things will be different and we have said we both want to go out with each other..i dont know when this would be or how things would go, but we know that we want to try and see how we get on with each other.

What's Up?

Not alot really :p

Sorted things out with the guy i met up, we're still friends, which is good...still not entirely sure what happened but Ho Hum!!...sometimes things click, sometimes they don't...

...and gonna be getting some more practice in soon anyway, which i may or may not tell you all about :p

As if I havent got enough I.T stuff to keep me occupied, I've resurrected my twitter account and started posting random bits of crap on there now http://twitter.com/toolate4regrets

I was also thrilled to see jessie constantly confused back with us in blogland http://jessie-constantlyconfused.blogspot.com/ couldn't believe when i saw him post...It's a bit stupid really when I dont actually know anyone in the blog world apart from 3 guys, but when you find a blog that is true and interesting, it does make you feel a bit sad when they go..and consequently happy when they post. Welcome back Jessie!!!

Home wise, not much really, still...trying to get my wife to do anything is such hard work...it seems a strange thing to say, but she really doesn't actual like people!!! She gets easily and really irate by people...customers, relatives, and friends..which means that she doesnt have any friends really and has a fractured relationship with her own family which isn't getting any better..probably worse....and i dont really know what to do..she can't see that the common factor in her losing all her friends and family is herself..to her, its everyone else who is the problem..

An example of this is one of our best friends (who was incredibly cute by the way!) got a serious girlfriend who he eventually married...we stopped seeing him because my wife didn't like his girlfriend and found her itrritating. My take on this was, that she may be a bit loud , but shes his girlfriend and he's happy so we should accept her because we liked him....my wifes take on this was that our friend shouldnt bring her round or come out with us...or even worse, that he shouldnt be with her!!! When we stopped seeing them it was our friends fault for not ditching his girfriend!!!... what do you do when someone thinks like that??? I am very forgiving as far as my friends are concerned..i care for them and would do anything for my good friends, but if theres a problem or something goes wrong, i'll blow off quickly...and then its forgotten and I move on..life's too short to harbour grudges and resentment....my wifes seems to enjoy the harbouring grudges....once somethings happened she doesnt forget...and it stays there...until she destroyed everything :(

This wasnt supposed to be a long or deep post, but ended up opening a whole can of worms there...sorry about that!!!

Maybe I'll have something lighter or better next time for you

Thanks everyone for reading and commenting :)