Saturday, 13 June 2009

look but dont touch

Been at work today and had 2 hot men working with me - very very nice - neither are not so much ever going to look at anything that doesnt have tits, but i can dream cant i :-) One is really nicely tanned and doesnt appear to have a tan line :-), dark haired and a really cute smile. The other is blond and so cute looking , looking nowhere near his age. He really is an adonis personified, absolutely beautiful

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Down, Down, Deeper and Down!

Very down at the moment for all sorts of reasons - problems all over the place left right and centre - most of which stem from the fact i am just plain unhappy with who i am!

i read the blogs of lads on here who i guess are 15/16 yrs old and although not out, are comfortable with who they are and once they get out of school will be fine and be able to get on with their lives as gay men. I didnt do that, i just kept myself to myself and tried to block it out due to the probems i saw for myself back then - if only i had known!!!

have been listening to profound songs on my ipod today whislt travelling - Its a Sin by the Pet Shop Boys, Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat, and billy Brown by get the drift!!

Am going to have a wank to some random gay porn on my laptop now to see if it makes me feel an will for a bit , but then reality sets in once again

Sunday, 7 June 2009

My Bad!

Ive only just started a blog and left it a few days posting - slaps self on wrist!

Been very busy work wise the last week - not much sleep or anything else really to talk about

I still spend most walking hours thinking about my predicament - whether i live the rest of my life as a lie to keep everyone else happy, or risk whatever i have for my own possible future happiness...and i dont think i can do it.

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

work+hot sunny weather dont go

Def didnt want to be at work today - its way too nice! The warehouse was boiling hot so i did a bit of 'skinny working' whilst I was there alone. It was weird at first doing my normal stuff sans clothes, but after a while forgot that i was nekkid - good job i didnt have to answer the door though - unless it was someone particularly good looking ;-)

Had to go into the city later as well which is always nice on a sunny day - realised how many fantastic bodies there were out today. One guy looked very cute sitting outside Greggs - made me want a sausage roll for some reason - cant think why

Monday, 1 June 2009

The all important first post...

Well, this is my first post on my first ever blog, so WooHoo!

Why have i started a blog? I suppose i have been inspired by all the great blogs out there i have been reading recently and the thought that there are alot of other people out here hurting, confused and not sure who to talk to about whats going on in their lives - not necessarily because they want a response or comments, but this is the only way to let someone else know their feelings - I suppose I am the same.

I dont have anyone else to talk to about my life really - or at least the parts of my life I want to tell you all about. I have no family of my own - they are all dead or due to circumstances dont know of any other family members that are still alive. I have friends, but none i could talk to really - most friends have known me long enough to be hurt if i told them things now I should have told them 10 or 20 years ago

Well, thats the first post done with. I will let you know more later. I am going to try and keep this up to date as often as possible without drowning you with information, but hope someone out there will tune in to it