Thursday, 15 April 2010

work - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

what is is with work over the last couple of weeks...i cant remember the last time i had a day off but its over 2 weeks at not getting up after 730 in the morning and its really starting to take its toll. i reckon ive got another manic week before i can stop for a bit.

you can tell im really busy cos

a... i havent been blogging that much, and
b... i havent even had the time or energy for a 'barclays' since monday - and thats just not on!!!

Nothing 'gay' to report this week either, i'm still not wearing my wedding ring during the day as well

last night had the bed all to myself...the wife found a flea on top of the duvet and went a bit mental over it (our cat doesnt usually get fleas ,so it was probably a one off) she refused to sleep in the bed, so i had it all to myself...first time since we moved in together - and i liked it...i know that doesnt sound nice, but i really liked it...and had a good nights sleep as well!

As every day goes by i am feeling more relaxed and comfortable with myself...the time still isnt right to tell her, but the more i go on the more i know i am going to make the right decision...for everyones sake

Has anyone ever used adultfriendfinder at all? just wondering if its worth signing up...I'm able to look on there at the moment cos i logged in as someone i know who uses it..obviously he doesnt know i know his log in details or the fact he uses it, but its handy nonetheless until i get my own account - naught me!! :-)

One reason the 'talk' is going to be difficult, i think it was wandering pom picked up on in an email or comment, is that my and my wife dont talk much..i know it sounds strange, but i am not a great talker about things...ask me about work, sport, proper stuff and i'm fine, but when it comes to 'proper talking' i'm a bit crap and just dont do it. It goes beyond the 'what are you thinking?' type opener to a talk - my general response is 'nothing' because i dont really spend time thinking and talking about feelings and suchlike. I would say i am quite a detached person in terms of emotion - the only times i have even shed a tear in the last 10 years or so is at an amazing sporting achievement - i know thast really sounds sad doesnt it, but i just dont 'do' emotion - i said this to my wife some time ago and she got really stroppy over it and said that i was lying, but the truth is - i just dont get/dont show emotion. I think i would be a really crap actor to be honest becaise i cant even feign emotion over something i apparently should be able to show emotion over...back to the start of this bit the, the talk is going to be difficult because i am going to struglle being emotional over it which is going to come across as callous, which isnt what i want or am, but i'm not going to be crying and blubbing i dont will be a first if i do. i will haev to think it through properly beforehand..

if youre thinking that i have found time to blog tell you thhe truth, ive got my work open in another window and keep nipping back to do some whilst blogging, sorry guys

final thing...i'm really loving the fairly new blog called Its a brilliantly written coming out/being gay from an 18 year old from Scotland. Eddie is giving us a whizz through the last 2/3 years of his life since he got outed, hopefully bringing us up to date soon. I love the honesty he has shown in his blog, plus some of it is quite horny if i am brutally honest as well ;-) He sounds a really great mature guy and, although i dont know him personally, can just hear it being read out loud if that makes sense (from what he has told us about his accent)

Thats all folks...for now


  1. Hi there, JSL

    Work sounds pretty gruelling: I hope you're being well rewarded for all the overtime, let alone the lack of ... ermmm... personal relief. Still, at least you can see some light at the end of the tunnel - I just hope it's not an approaching train :-)

    I don't see why liking to sleep in the bed on your own should sound "not nice". You're not saying that you particularly dislike sharing a bed with your wife, just that you enjoy the change of being on your own for once. This sounds like just the sort of thing that people in a relationship will compromise over for the sake of the relationship.

    Your not talking much doesn't sounds strange to me: I am, or can be, a lot less outgoing in real life than I am here in blog-land, and it's often the people I've known longest that I find most difficulty in opening up to. I guess that when you're talking to a stranger there are no preconceptions: you can just say what you want without worrying about how this may affect their existing view of you (because they don't have one). This is probably why blogging can be so liberating: there are no assumptions, no pre-existing points of view - you can just say what you need to without having to worry about what people will think.

    As for emotions, if you're anything like me, you may well find yourself becoming a lot more emotional in the months after you come out. I think that when you suppress your sexuality, it's quite possible to unconsciously suppress the emotions as well. The emotional release you get from coming out may well start opening up channels that have been closed for many years.

    Thinking ahead to your coming out talk with your wife, if you don't feel emotional, I'd recommend you don't try to act emotional. If unemotional is how you feel, I think you're best off showing that too. I don't think that need come across as callous.

    That's all for now - I'm about to fall asleep.

    Take care


  2. Maybe you could get some fleas - keep them in a tiny box. Every time you want to sleep alone, pop one on the duvet cover.

    Never heard of adultfriendfinder - I guess it depends on what you're looking for. Just want to talk to someone? adultfriendfinder doesn't sound like the best option. Looking to get horizontal with someone? adultfriendfinder might work great.

    You might also look for gay sporting groups in your area. We have a gay hiking group around here. It's a good way to meet guys similar to yourself outside of a cruisy environment.

    Good luck -

  3. Hi all

    @NewLeaf: adultfriendfinder is advertised all over Xtube, so I think it's much more about the meeting of bodies than of minds. I haven't tried it myself.

    all: I'm having a trip away from home, so I will be "off-air" until late tomorrow UK time, possibly some time on Sunday.

    Take care