Monday, 12 April 2010

still here...

i havent gone away and abandoned you all.

i have just been rushed off my feet over the past few days with work. Anyone who knows me knows i dont do rest and relaxation at the best of idea of rest is doing what i do but slower!!!

I'm also still gay and deciding how best to go forward and am taking all advice ive been given over the past few weeks. My followers on here are now the only people in the world i have actually said those words to apart from myself...its not much, but its a start.

my wife made another random gay comment over the weekend as well, which again has perturbed me somewhat. i know she cant get onto my laptop (she doesnt know the new password), and theres no other things ive allowed to let slip which may cause her suspicions to be raised. I may be reading too much into these comments but its twice theyve come from out of the blue and quite randomly. its been suggested that i use one of these comments to introduce gay friendly things into the conversation, i may do that but in my head it seems forced. I suppose i am lucky that my wife isnt homophobic - shes happy with gay characters on TV and in the news , how she reacts to her own husband is probably a slightly different matter :-), but i'm still pretty upbeat about things

Bye for now!


  1. Hi there, JSL

    Good to see you're still with us - I hope the work slows down so that you can "rest" :-)

    You say "it's not much": I think it's a lot. Coming to terms with yourself - coming out to yourself - is probably the most difficult step, especially after suppressing your sexuality for so long. It's also the necessary first step to coming out to anyone else. If you can say those words to yourself, and to us, you can say them to people around you too. But also, you can take this at your own pace: there's no timetable you have to follow, no set pattern. It's your life - you do it your way.

    About your wife's comments: you seem to imply that they're out of the ordinary - are they perhaps "forced" for her too? You may not have let anything slip: it could as easily be a case of what you don't say that makes her wonder. It's possible that your wife is dropping hints, or trying to give you an opening for a conversation. The fact that's she's not homophobic has got to be good news. No doubt it will be quite a shock for her when you do come out, but if she already has suspicions, it's likely to be rather less of a shock than you fear.

    Take care


  2. I agree with Mark - "its not much" is an unfair description. Admitting you're gay to yourself is a huge step.

    I'm guessing that these gay references by your wife are something new? It is a bit odd that she's making these references out of the blue. I still think there's a good chance it's a coincidence.

    At least she's not homophobic - so that will help. It's still hard to hear that your husband is gay - no matter how open you are. But my experience coming out to my wife was a positive one. I can't describe in words the feeling - the incredible weight being lifted off of me. Finally free. Finally me. No more hiding. No more shame.

    Hugs -

  3. It's strange. I thought your wife's first gay comment was completely random, even if it was out of character. But to have another odd comment so soon after the first? Now I am a little suspicious. If there's a third comment, perhaps you should call her out on it. Pardon my American slang. "What is up with all the gay references lately? What kind of television programs have you been watching lately?" (Or romance novels or whatever she does for entertainment.) My point is that by asking her the question you put HER on the spot, and by doing so you might discover her motives. Just a thought.

  4. @wandering pom - sorry i havent replied to your pm yet - but i will - thanks Mark

    @nl - ive never noticed these comments before so thats why its a bit strange. it could be coincidence and with everything going on in my mind at the moment am making more of it than there is, i'll have to keep an ear out for any more of them, and i like the suggestion of calling her on it from Tow Lives, if i can naturally get it into the conversation...this may be the way to go

    thanks for all your support and ideas

  5. Hi there, JSL

    No worries about the pm: reply when you're happy to.

    Take care