just to thank everyone for their comments, i appreciate all of them and the angle that theyre coming from. the ones from my last post certainly seem to have got a debate going at least :-)
@new leaf: i dont know when my gaydar developed but i do hope to put it some use. it was really awkward with her when she said that, i was only texting about football and i thought just a strange thing to be saying -but i do like your potential answer though :-)
@wandering pom: i think and hope friends will be fine when i tell them, as for having someone who is gay to speak to, number 1 is the more caring and considerate, but still...i know everything about his relationships and life and his partners....he just likes talking ;-/
i really dont know what to make of her comments, its really confused me and worried me ...i am pretty sure she doesnt suspect anything but its started me questioning none the less as to why those comments
@two lives: i do agree with some of what you say. to be honest yes i am lost and directionless, but if it makes sense, i am lost and directionless but further down the road in this that i was before. what i want now is to be able to be who i really am, and in my mind thats going to mean telling and leaving my wife and preparing for the proverbial shit to hit the fan!!
i dont really want to 'start being gay' until ive 'stopped being heterosexual' if that makes any sense to people, but its just going to be strange making such a black and white separation, so part of me does feel that i need to start speaking to other gay people and maybe meeting some and start to understand my gay feelings. i know youve been quite blunt in what you have said, but i do need to decide what i do next. i do like your analogy about being in a dark room suddenly flooded with light - that pretty much sums it up. Ive been living in this fog for my whole life and suddenly its clear what i am.......just not clear what to do next :-(
@ The Lion Queen: i know that there are many people are happy to continue living their 2 lives in parallel, but its not for me...i dont want to do that. in my own head i feel that ive lived a lie for so long that i dont want to carry on doing that - i struggle at the moment trying to keep things in my head separate without having to keep whole lives separate