Very down at the moment for all sorts of reasons - problems all over the place left right and centre - most of which stem from the fact i am just plain unhappy with who i am!
i read the blogs of lads on here who i guess are 15/16 yrs old and although not out, are comfortable with who they are and once they get out of school will be fine and be able to get on with their lives as gay men. I didnt do that, i just kept myself to myself and tried to block it out due to the probems i saw for myself back then - if only i had known!!!
have been listening to profound songs on my ipod today whislt travelling - Its a Sin by the Pet Shop Boys, Smalltown Boy by Bronski Beat, and billy Brown by Mika...you get the drift!!
Am going to have a wank to some random gay porn on my laptop now to see if it makes me feel an better...it will for a bit , but then reality sets in once again