i can believe how fast the days and weeks are going at the moment...it doesnt seem 2 minutes since it was christmas. this week has just flown by, but then i have been pretty busy all week.
Although i am having to work tomorrow and part of sunday, working those days never seems as bad as during the week - its much more relaxed, plus tomorrow i have the benefit of working with eye candy :-) theyre both 18 but its strictly a case of just looking!!
i know it sounds silly but i left my wedding ring off for most of the day - (from getting in vehicle for work to wife coming back home) it was strange that removing that little gold band felt so good, kinda liberating really. Over the past couple of weeks I definitely have become more accustomed in my head of accepting i am gay, and it feels right. Up until then I had never said the words out loud even to my self on my own - i couldnt bring myself to say it. Now all i have to do is be able to say it to other people. Its quite funny really (not laugh out loud funny); i never knew who my father was and at school when anyone called me a Bast**d, I'd just turn round and say , 'yeh, so what'. this sort of feels like the same thing.
im just sitting on my own at the moment, the wifes is having a sleep at the moment so i'm having a look for groups/websites for married gay men, to see if there is anything locally i could maybe contact. i am also looking at other web sites as well, but i wont go into too much detail about what types of website they are , but i am sure you can guess ;-)
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i think i mentioned this on my blog but back in the big snowstorm in january i jammed my ring finger and took off my wedding ring because of the swelling - for some reason I still don't have it back on - very very weird feeling
ReplyDeleteGlad that your getting more comfortable being you. It looks like you're making quite a bit of progress. Good for you.
ReplyDelete-nl
Hi there, JSL
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts about your wedding ring are very interesting - not silly at all. The ring is a visual symbol of your marriage, of marriage in general, with a very long history. You put your ring on as part of the marriage ceremony: "With this ring, I thee wed". Taking your ring off implies freeing yourself from a marriage you now feel trapped in - no wonder it's liberating.
I think it's great that you're coming to terms with your sexuality. Being able to say those three words, even to yourself, and find that the sky doesn't fall on you, is so wonderful. Accepting yourself is the first step, and probably the most difficult. Once you're comfortable in your own skin, everything else will follow.
It's been wonderful, too, seeing this happen. Your posts now are so much happier and more outgoing than they were even a week ago. I see your sense of humour appearing: I think the real JSL is starting to emerge into the daylight, after a long time hidden in the dark. Your blog has cheered me up a lot this week. :-)
*hugs*
Mark