about last weekend...

sorry the last post was a bit short...you can probably tell i wasnt the happiest little bunny...

things werent going well last weekend and the long and short of it was my wife was starting to get her stuff together to walk out.....and i stopped her...so i'm in the same position i was in before :-(

ive been chatting with a couple of people so will paraphrase some of what i was saying to them whilst it was fresh in my mind

I wrote the blog comments cos i was just really angry at myself that i didnt allow what was going to hapoen, happen. I was fristrated with a situation that i had visualised that i wanted, but actually wanst mentally ready to deal with it at the time.

During the argument and her preparing to walk out, all i thought about was what would happen to her. i would have been happy to be the one to leave as i think i could have coped better with that and was guilty about her leaving to go, who knows where??

you may think i was fearful about what would happen and thats what stopped me, but i dont really fear the future after i come out, because i am going to be able to live my whole life for the first time in my life, not 2 separate lives.

Anyway, after it had happened and i had blogged and calmed down a bit, i'm a bit more chilled about things....i think it has made me think more about how i will come out to my wife. obviously i cant predict when this will happen, but think that i am a bit better prepared in my head for the future.....

4 days later and things havent changed...my wife keeps telling me how much she loves me...which is nice but just builds up the guilt inside me... :-(